decision making is one skill i do not have and regret is one of my worst fears. what a horrible combination.

(Source: aonaibhricheile)

what if he leaves? what if he’s not there? what if he was never there?

love isn’t supposed to be the fear of when love is lost or when love does not exist. love is supposed to be what lifts you up and makes you whole. but all that i know of love is what i have seen; and all that i have seen is scripts written by men mad with money or two people driven apart by the pressures of procreation. so we try to build something that we have no real blueprint for. something we have only heard fairytales about. blindly putting piece after piece together, thinking we are building upward, building onto a steady foundation. thinking we are building a future based off that past and creating in the present. it isn’t until we hit a hitch, until two pieces don’t fit, until two beams don’t meet and the absence of a blueprint presents itself as the real problem. take a step back and see what we built was just a mess of steal, plaster, screws, and tears. love isn’t anything we are going to accomplish with each person we date. i can only hope that what i am building right now is that mess that i step back and look at one day to realize that i need a blueprint. and a blueprint isn’t something i can really plan, but a blueprint is something i can learn.

i am fine with tomorrow as long as it is anything different than today.